hello....

hello.

you're not the only one who's shown me the darker side of you

http://qojak.com

Post a mem...

Post a memory of me in the comments. It can be anything you want.Then- post this to your journal and see what people remember of you.

Immensely

I sit around all day and wonder what you're doing. I wonder how you're walking with that position of "i know it all" and how you're talking in that position of "i could tell you it all" and how you're constantly in that position of "what's in it for me" But than again you're constantly aware that everything you know, you've learned from everyone else so you're constantly in debt to them. And sometimes i wonder if i give you too much credit, but that facial expression takes it's position on my face and before it's even out of my mouth you're shaking your finger at me telling me "ah ah ah" Not too close. I remember moments when i've caught an unsheltered & unprotected glance or unsheilded look in your eye... moments nobody is suposed to see but i've caught them because i'm always watc-i'm always looking at you. Staring, gazing, yearning... whatever you need to call it to make it sound fit. To justify why i'm looking at you and make you stand that one inch taller.The moments that stick out the most are the ones that make me smile... the ones where you feel that rush of adrenaline like you've been caught taking cookies out of the cookie jar - but your mother is always nice enough to just ruffle your hair and than give you one, the one where your eyes light up for just a minute and than quickly dart away because you've been caught. You've been caught. hah. you've been caught - looking at me. And i know - when it comes to you.. when it comes to anyone, really... that's when the world of trouble begins. You're just stable in your thoughts and maybe when you're looking at me, looking at you, looking.. and when you're staring at me do you sense that the story's finally begun?So think about those moments over and over again. Dwell on them & analyze them into each minute.. and each minute into each second.. each second into each half a second and so on. Stamp it out and decipher what it means. Than take that meaning and crumple it up...remember that sound of crumpling.. crumple up a piece of paper and remember it everytime you over-think about something. do you ever think that what you think means nothing? That you have no idea..and when all you do is think... your life is a lie. "Your mouth is slowly murdered, talking got you nowhere"

It�...

It’s like I woke up one morning, out of nowhere, and decided that I had no life. Nothing had changed from my prior pseudo-busy days, although now I felt as absolute as gravel roads I have once road upon, wasting my brain cells. And now I feel more lost inside than anyone can ever imagine… and why? Because I live here. What is this?! Sometimes I have feelings of such fondness for the Midwestern place that I live… and others, I wish it would just disperse, along with everyone else captured in it’s torment. Singing along to an awesome band, I watch the singer kneel on that white box he always has. I suggest to myself that I keep starring into his eyes… and bounce along with the sounds of the music until I give myself whiplash. And although these nights are the reason for my admiration towards him -- . Just like a tree, music makes it easier to breathe. It’s a constant battle and I don’t expect either one of the two exceptional races to win, leaving the world a more pungent and badly written place to breathe -- let alone live, in. Combine all of this nothingness with fading ambition and it equals something along the lines of depression, angst and mostly questions and the yearning for psychic abilities. What’s going to be harder; pulling the trigger, pressing the blade, or taking enough sleeping pills to never wake up or actually waking up for the next 70 years? And when it’s put that way, it doesn’t really make a difference whether I have a life or not because what is life… I know this isn’t it. These feelings of everything crammed into two separate viles, how the hell am I supposed to let them out onto paper and into your hand? But I know I have to keep trying, because if you don’t even try in a game… how are you supposed to win? The over achiever in any standardized fixture always comes out looking better in the end. I just have to know how to roll the dice and flip the right cards and I won’t come out quite so inconsolable and disreputable looking in this game. Because I’ve found out that’s all life is; a game. And like any game, you just have to learn how to play it. I believe I have a good start. I’m just hoping someone up there will throw in some enjoyable surprises. Maybe a card for an extra turn. I'd take it back.

brought up being told i was sick when i wasn't

ohhh demo...while i dont wait for it and never really have recieving a phone call because thats all there is at the time being and hearing your voice would have been really great today. Not that i had a horrible day because today was fun but I miss you. I've finally hit a plateau in life... a great one that is more life changing than any other one. I see different colors that you lead me on to see.ANd i'm sure i would have seen more than the rainbow had to offer had you called me, thats all. But i understand you're busy with your junk, and i know that any free moment you had would have been mine. Please don't turn your back again though? Don't put that wall back up you started building!Yes yes i know you'll be home this weekend, but spend time with me. I can live without you, oh believe me.. but i'd rather not... it wouldn't be a pretty thing and i'd feel sorry for any bloke that'll have to put up wtih me SOON after that because i can picture that happening and i can picture myself becoming completely robotic. With that in mind, robots dont express love.. but i fucking love you man for anything it's worth. Thank you for being my best friend and listening to me. Thank you for finally believing me and putting spark behind me. Thank you for creating something inside of me that you never would have thought you could have... Just for taking the time out of your day one afternoon to talk.

brought up being told i was sick when i wasn't

ohhh demo...while i dont wait for it and never really have recieving a phone call because thats all there is at the time being and hearing your voice would have been really great today. Not that i had a horrible day because today was fun but I miss you. I've finally hit a plateau in life... a great one that is more life changing than any other one. I see different colors that you lead me on to see.ANd i'm sure i would have seen more than the rainbow had to offer had you called me, thats all. But i understand you're busy with your junk, and i know that any free moment you had would have been mine. Please don't turn your back again though? Don't put that wall back up you started building!Yes yes i know you'll be home this weekend, but spend time with me. I can live without you, oh believe me.. but i'd rather not... it wouldn't be a pretty thing and i'd feel sorry for any bloke that'll have to put up wtih me SOON after that because i can picture that happening and i can picture myself becoming completely robotic. With that in mind, robots dont express love.. but i fucking love you man for anything it's worth. Thank you for being my best friend and listening to me. Thank you for finally believing me and putting spark behind me. Thank you for creating something inside of me that you never would have thought you could have... Just for taking the time out of your day one afternoon to talk.

ughhhh

you're a scab. you only hold me together so i dont make a mess all over white carpet. I pity you because i'm not the type of retard who picks my scabs and eat them... so stop trying, you're not going to get inside of me. Prick.